Notes from Adi's Diary
Surfing through the waters of California is an indescribable feeling. Your heart stops at a certain point, and you hold your breath till the waves die down, and you paddle to shore.
It's an ecstatic feeling that no words could describe. The high that one feels being on top of a wave, without losing balance and crashing beneath the waves is akin to experiencing a little piece of heaven.
There are a few things that make me happy - surfing; taking the time to talk to my wife and kids at the end of the day; eating chocolate cheesecake; watching the sunset in any California beach; watching the Superbowl last Sunday; listening to a goofy radio show called Goodtimes which a good friend introduced to me and which I continue to listen to everyday,and lastly, just lounging around the house on Sundays ,chilling out and watching my favorite movies.
Back to surfing. I wasn't like this before. Going near the waters to swim is not my idea of fun. You can blindfold me and force me to the beachshore and swim and I wouldn't do it. But at one point in my life, it was either swim or die, and I decided to live.
You see I'm a sex addict, and my addiction was overtaking my life and taking out whatever happy feeling I was supposed to experience.
I've been in therapy for a time, and I can't really describe in detail what a sex addict is, but according to medicinet, behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:
* Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
* Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
* Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
* Consistent use of pornography
* Unsafe sex
* Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
* Prostitution or use of prostitutes
* Exhibitionism
* Obsessive dating through personal ads
* Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
* Sexual harassment
I used to be a purveyor of sexual pornography websites, and all I did the whole day was drool over these pictures.It got to a point where I was not talking to my wife and kids anymore; not even eating anymore, but sought my happiness through looking at these body parts the whole day and night.
I used to listen to Mo's show at Goodtimes, since a good buddy of mine from the Philippines introduced me to the show, and I enjoyed all the topics the funny trio of hosts dealt out to the listeners everyday.
But the show has become quite tiresome. All I hear day in and day out is about this website they're about to put up where you send photos of your private parts, and anyone can comment on it.
It's not just tiresome, but pathetic. One time, I even heard Mo asking a caller to send in photos of her naked self (without the head of course), and the caller was a bit reluctant in doing this. So what's funny about that?
I don't know. I think the hosts are exhibiting sexual addictive behavior, like myself before, which can harm their health. I also don't think they have real friends or family members who can really tell them what is right or wrong anymore. Grace Lee threatens to vomit if she sees anymore naked pictures, but do they listen to her? Hearing that made me so sad.
All I know is they've started to annoy me and I switch the radio show off as soon as they start becoming un-entertaining.
As part of my therapy, I've started to surf to take my mind off this obsessive sexual addiction. There's nothing like staying on top of the board, with the water underneath like a floor plank and just ride the endless powerful waves to make one feel fulfilled.
It's a powerful tool to focus on something other than behavior that can destroy my life. It's a never ending battle, but it's all worth it in the end.
(Notes from Adi's Diary is fictional and comes from the viewpoint and imagination of this blogger. Photos from moonjazz)
