Notes from Ambo's Diary (Inside Iraq's Green Zone)
I'm crouched in my usual nook, in between cooking duties, finding some quiet time before the sous chef bellows out to chop a ton more of onions, or if it's Tuesday, maybe he'll be asking for peppers for Buffet Mexicana tonight.
I've dodged bullets, numerous checkpoints and Philippine laws to work here in Iraq as a kitchen porter inside the Green Zone of Iraq. Kitchen porter is the more glamorous term for my job, but I'm really a kitchen assistant, a kitchen drone who assists with basic tasks such as peeling tons of vegetables or washing salads for example.
On other days, they assign me as Chef de Plúnge, also known as the escuelerie. Pinabango lang yun, but it means I'm the dishwasher assigned for the day. The French really have a twisted sense of humour. Ok lang. As long as you do your job, people can call me anything as long as they pay me well.
To the uninitiated, the Green Zone is the heavily guarded diplomatic/government area in central Baghdad where US occupation authorities live and work. It is the central city which includes the main palaces of former President Saddam Hussein and now houses the civilian ruling authority run by the Americans and British and the offices of major US consulting companies.
I'm assigned in the U.S. Embassy Annex, which was formerly Saddam Hussein's main palace and it is beautiful here.
Five years ago, this was a war zone when the Americans arrived here to 'liberate' Iraq, but now I hear some mortar shelling but it's been relatively peaceful here for the past two years.
As Pinoy as patis and bagoong, I work like a dog to send some precious green bucks to the loved ones back home. There are no Pinoys around, since very few are willing to risk their lives to work here. As a result, no one speaks Tagalog and I'm so homesick.
The only consolation I have is that the Green Zone is a Wi-fi Zone and I can access the Internet 24/7.
And my greatest happiness is listening to Mo Twister, Mojo and Grace Lee at their Magic 899 show every day, without fail. We have a five hour difference so I listen starting at one in the morning.
My work hours are erratic because the Embassy houses workers who work round the clock, and sometimes when I'm in the graveyard shift, the only thing that keeps me awake is hearing Mo Twister's voice, Mojo's heckling and Grace Lee's sweet and kind voice.
I was highly amused by the show today, and as soon as the chef declared a break, I raced to the computer to look up Jessica Gomez, the Twister's new crush. Not bad at all!
I haven't seen the cut shower scene of Zac Efron from High School Musical 3 yet, because I haven't uploaded the movie yet. If we are caught with a boot copy, we're kicked out of the job.
Oh by the way, I was on hold for two minutes on the phone today trying to call the show. I could impersonate Mojo's voice dead on, especially when he says, "Are you a born again Christian?". I could impersonate Tom Hanks like nobody's business because I'm surrounded by Americans with the same voice. But if I do win, I couldn't fly there and watch the Rihanna show, right? So I stopped calling.
The sous chef has been shouting again and I cower beneath my hiding place. A few more minutes to listen to Good Times, please?
But the chef has other ideas, and turns around and looks at me. With a crooked finger, he signals for me to go chop some more leeks now, I guess.
Oh man. I could hear Ruffa Mae answering some questions from the Twister. He asks who the husband of Mama Mary is. And she answers 'Joshua'.
I started laughing by myself, like a crazy hyena. Some of the kitchen workers are looking at me funnily.
I stand up straight and force myself to frown. But I laugh again.
I can't wait for this shift to end. But by then, the show is over. Anyway, a few short minutes listening to this radio show is worth dodging bombs and bullets, suicide bombers, even short tempered sous chefs.
The sous chef throws the vegetables I'm supposed to chop in the air. Uh oh. I really have to go.
I take out my earpiece and walk towards the kitchen. Time to work.
(Postscript: Many of the topics in this blog were discussed in the show today, specifically Jessica Gomez, Zac Efron's cut shower scene, Ruffa Mae jokes and the fact that many Filipinos abroad are tuning in to GoodTimes through the Internet.
I thought it would be interesting to write a fictional piece about a kitchen assistant inside the Green Zone of Iraq who finds solace in listening to the GoodTimes show everyday. I could imagine his loneliness and the constant tedium of chopping onions to earn dollars for the family back home. At least he can entertain himself with Mo Twister, Mojo and Grace Lee. For a few moments, he is home.)
