Notes from Marley's Diary
I was listening to Mo's radio show last Thursday and I was tremendously saddened when he talked about Rihanna's situation with Chris Brown.
What happened? They both seemed so young and so in love.
Did Rihanna have any inkling about her friend's violent tendencies?
I used to be a battered girlfriend by a seemingly kind man - gentle in demeanor; submissive, until a sudden unexpected incident triggers some malevolent, violent behavior and he turns into an ugly,ugly monster.
He slapped me once after an argument, and I forgave him once that time. But when he boxed me in the stomach after an innocuous argument, I fled from the malevolent ogre right there and then.
Never mind if he came crawling the next day with chocolates and flowers. I refused to see him and that ended whatever relationship we had.
What helped me was reading this great, if a little old book by Dr. Phil McGraw entitled "Life Strategies'. Written in 1999, his book had ten life lessons which helped me get through my hellish boyfriend situation.
If you're in a miserable situation, grab this book, and try to apply what he has written. I guarantee you that your life will change by applying the strategies laid out in this book.
In summary, these are five of his total ten life strategies featured in his book:
Life Strategy No.1 : YOU EITHER GET IT OR YOU DON'T
" If you break a criminal law, such as those prohibiting theft (or in Chris Brown's case- assault), you will pay a fine or go to jail. If you violate a physical law, such as gravity, you can experience pain or- depending on your elevation when you commit the violation - even death. Just as with these types of laws, if you break a Life Law, there are penalties, quite severe. I will bet that you have been paying dearly for those violations throughout your life.
"You break the current Life Law whenever you operate without the necessary information and skills to create the results you want. When you DON'T UNDERSTAND THE RULES OF THE GAME, SUCH AS WHICH BEHAVIOR WILL GET RESULTS, OR WHEN YOU LACK A STRATEGY, YOU ARE LIKELY TO RUN FOUL OF CONDITIONS AND REQUIREMENTS THAT WOULD GUARANTEE YOUR SUCCESS. In competition with those who do get it- that is, they do have the SKILLS,KNOW THE RULES, AND HAVE A PLAN -you are not even a threat, but a patsy.
"When I see people who just don't get it, stumbling along in life, I wonder how they ever survive. It's painful to watch people who do things when you know, before they ever do it, that their fate is sealed.
"YOUR STRATEGY: Become on of those who get it. Break the code of human nature, and find out what makes people tick. Learn why you and other people do what they do, and don't do what they don't."
Life Strategy No. 2: YOU CREATE YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE
"You are not a victim. You are creating the situations you are in; you are creating the emotions that flow from those situations. This is not theory, it is life.. You must be willing to move your position, and, however difficult or unusual it may seem, embrace the fact that you own the problem. While everybody else is still out there blaming those who aren't responsible for the results in their life, you can be as on taret as a laser-guided missile, and therefore, work only on those things that will truly change your life.
"YOUR STRATEGY: Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Understand your role in creating the results that are your life. Learn to choose better so you have better."
Life Law #3 :PEOPLE DO WHAT WORKS
"By now, it should be exceedingly clear that the behavior you choose creates the results you get. If you repeat the behavior, then by definition, those results must be desirable, or you wouldn't behave that way over and over. Conversely, if you do not repeat the behavior, then the result is not desirable. In other words, there is nothing in it for you.
"YOUR STRATEGY: Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior and that of others. Control the payoffs to control your life."
Life Law # 4 : YOU CAN'T CHANGE WHAT YOU DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE
"If you're unwilling to acknowledge a thought, circumstance,problem, condition,behavior or emotion - if you won't take ownership of your role in a situation- then you cannot and will not change it. If you refuse to acknowledge your own self-destructive behavior, not only will they continue, they will actually gain momentum, become more deeply entrenched in the habitual patterns of your life; and grow more and more resistant to change.
"YOUR STRATEGY : Get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it. Be truthful about what isn't working in your life. Stop making excuses and start making results."
And the most important, and which Rihanna should take note:
Life Law #8 : WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US
" So if you ever wonder why people treat you the way they do, see Life Law #3 : People Do What Works. They do what they do because you have have taught them, based on results, which behavior gets a payoff and which one don't. If they get what they want, they keep that behavior in their repertoire. If they do not get the desired result, they drop that behavior and acquire a new one. Understand that here, as in all areas of your life,results, not intentions, influence the people with whom you interact. You may complain or cry or threaten to give them negative results, but if the bottom line is that you reward the behavior by providing a response that the other person values, then that person decides, 'Hey, this works. I now know how to get what I want.'
"YOUR STRATEGY : Own, rather than complain about how people treat you. Learn to renegotiate your relationships to have what you want."
So there, get the book if you need help strategizing. I know this book changed my life. I hope it does yours."
(Postscript: Notes from Marley's Diary is fictional and comes from the imagination and point of view of this blogger. Photo by ki-Ga)
