Notes from Daisy's Diary
It was a surprise to end all surprises. I could imagine all the radio listeners with their mouths agape when Grace Lee revealed in yesterday's show that her Korean boyfriend had recently asked her to marry him. While dozens of girls in similar circumstances would jump in joyful apoplexy at the proposal, ironically, the mood inside the radio booth was not celebratory because I sensed that Grace Lee's bf gave her an either/or proposal. If they're not married by December 2010, it's breakup time!
I just broke off an engagement two years ago to a dude who sounded just like Grace Lee's beloved. He was quite an intelligent creature, sexy, kind, generous to a fault but he had a lot of do's and dont's - rules that drove me nuts! I wondered how he'd sound like once we got married, and the thought gave me endless sleepless nights. I was a wreck by the time I made the decision to break off the engagement.
What helped me decide were books recommended by friends battling the same kind of men, and one particular book helped me decide to permanently chuck the forthcoming bethrothal. It was Iyanla Vanzant's words from her book "In the Meantime" that helped me decide...
"Life is all about love. Love is the only true meaning in life. Being alive means that we are occupants in love's house and are accountable to love's rules. Neither life nor love requires us to give up our dignity, self worth, career objectives, favorite television program, or our good common sense. For some reason, we don't always understand this. We believe in the necessity of giving up one thing in order to get something else. We especially believe this about love. We do not understand that the highest expression of love is the experience and realization of more - more of who you are, what you do,what you believe, and what you have.
"Love has the ability to bring all of you together under one roof, at one time, as one experience. Love is the experience of oneness, a union of the mind and heart. Unfortunately, we believe we can establish this union with others only if we give up something. We attempt to create the union with others before first creating it within ourselves. This is absolutely impossible. You cannot get love from the outside until you are love on the inside. In the meantime,we do many things in the name of love, for the sake of love."
Grace Lee is in the middle of what Vanzant calls "in the meantime." "You don't know why, but I can tell you that the meantime is fraught with don't knows and can't do's. Don't know why I can't go. Don't know why I should stay. Don't know where I'm going. Don't know how I'm going to get there, wherever there is. Ambivalence, confusion, reluctance, paralysis are all characteristics of the meantime. If you knew the answers to these questions you would be just fine. In the meantime, fine is probably not one of them."
This book is for people who are in limbo. "You know where you want to be, but you have no clue how to get there. You know exactly what you want in life, but what you want is nowhere in sight. Perhaps your vision is unclear, your purpose still undefined... If these scenarios feel familiar way down in the deepest part of your gut, then you, my dear, are smack dab in the middle of the meantime."
I hope that before Grace Lee decides on her boyfriend's proposal, she can read this book. Iyanla teaches "how to do our mental housekeeping so that we can clean the windows,floors,walls,closets and corners of our minds. If we do a good job, our spirits will shine bringing in the light of true love and happiness."
Photo of the girl on the swing by Vinay Deep
