Notes from Fr.Joey's Diary
If the weather is good, I usually walk to my usual spot where I meditate, a grassy knoll beside the football field, a tiny corner where no one goes except perhaps the red ants that I see crawling up and down my usual seat. What I usually see is a spectacular view of the rising sun amidst the mountains in Antipolo. I just marvel at the colors that seemed to burst from the sun: pink, orange, bright yellow. Amazing.
This precious few moments of silence offer me a respite from my hectic day as a priest, teaching a full load in college and graduate school, offering my services also as a psychologist in the Health Center of the university I am affiliated with. Aside from this, I give daily masses at noon and early evening at the university chapel. It's such a busy life, and yet I can't complain because this is the life I chose to serve God.
My daily schedule has been quite altered recently. I've been waking earlier now so that after meditation and prayers, I could tune in to the Goodtimes radio show to listen to Mo, Mojo and Grace Lee for an hour or two. I am usually amused by the synergy of the three hosts. They blend well together because it seems Mo,Mojo and Grace Lee represent different view points. I also like the way Mo's mind works - I consider myself a wide reader, and yet this guy seems to find one more news event, a piece of new observation that I have not considered, a point of view that's oftentimes controversial, but very current to the pulse of the times. This helps since most of the troubled people I talk to are young people, and this show gives me a sense of what they're going through now.
I found myself laughing at today's show though. I had to laugh when I heard Mo asking his co-hosts and his audience what they'd do if they found their partner caught red-handed cheating with another person. I found Mojo's answer quite hilarious. He said he'd cut his partner's nuts and push the 'people's elbow' against the other offending party. Such violence!
If only they knew the truth. There are many kinds of adulterous behavior, but the most common kind of infidelity is not physical, but emotional.
I've been reading this book of Gary Neuman called 'Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proff your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship' and I'm struck by what he said on the first page of his book:
"All of us know that adultery - sex outside the marriage- is one of the gravest blows to a marriage as well as a painful rejection for one partner. But you don't have to have sex with anyone else to be unfaithful. Emotional infidelity is just as - and at time even more - destructive to your marriage. . Studies show that 73 percent of men and 42 to 52 percent of women meet their extramarital affair partners at work.
"Couples I counsel are absolutely outraged when I tell them that they could well be committing emotional adultery when they flirt with coworkers, send around funny e-mails to colleagues or hand out with members of the opposite sex at gatherings...
"There are ten rules for avoiding emotional infidelity:
Rule 1 : Keep It All Business at the Office
Rule 2 : Avoid meetings with members of the opposite sex outside of the marriage
Rule 3 : Meet in groups.
Rule 4 : Find polite ways of ending personal conversations.
Rule 5 : Avoid consistency in the relationship.
Rule 6 : Don't share your personal feelings.
Rule 7 : Be unflinchingly honest with yourself.
Rule 8 : Avoid cordial hugs and kisses or dancing with members of the opposite sex
Rule 9 : Don't drink around the opposite sex.
Rule 10 : Show your commitment to your spouse daily."
I know it's tough to hear this, but Gary Neuman has nailed the issue of emotional fidelity in the head. I hope more people would read it to educate themselves about the different kinds of adultery, not only the sexual kind.
The sun has started to become quite warm, and it's a hint for me that it's almost eight in the morning. Time for me to move out from my tiny piece of paradise and get moving to the realities of the world I move in.
I listen to the three hosts of Goodtimes, and they're having such a fun time. I'm happy that this show has given some moments of happiness to a great number of people. I look up to the skies and say a prayer of thanks that this show exists - to entertain, to educate, to provoke one not to stay complacent in their stale places.
I feel the sun beating down my skin. Time to move and face the daunting realities of the day.
(Postscript: 'Notes from Fr. Joey's Diary' was inspired by the show's topic of adultery in the January 6 show today. It was quite funny how the different hosts would react if they found their partners in an adulterous situation. It's interesting to see a priest/therapist's points of view regarding adultery.Contrary to what people believe, 'emotional infidelity' is much more common today, and more harmful.
If you have a chance to grab this book, read it and take notes on Newman's ten other secrets to a great relationship with your partner.
Goodtimes!
Photos by ῨᾂῄὐἄṜ )
