Notes from Rocco's Diary
October 22,2008, 9am
I've been here by the door since 9am, waiting for my Master and Commander, Mo Twister, to arrive and save me from - a.)boredom and b.)from myself. As you may have heard from the Big Man on the radio, I've been having a bit of trouble lately, gnawing on glass and nails, and yeah, I've heard it many times, my Lord Highness will bring me to a professional dog trainer next week to teach me a few tricks and boy oh boy, just to discipline my stubborn ass. I've seen how frustrated he's been, but hey, ever since my b)*##lls were chopped off, I've never been the same. Ever.
Hey, enough about my problems. .
Since 5 am, I've been alone, and as usual, my MC (Master and Commander) has left me with food and water. To make me feel less lonely, Master Mo keeps a radio tuned in to his show. I hear his voice for three hours, and it keeps me happy and amused. I just pretend that he's just at his desk fooling around his computer, laughing at articles he has read from his favorite websites.
What's this? I hear a break from his voice. I go nearer the radio and his Lord Highness was talking about Bamboo's song "Himala". I whimpered and cried when I heard that song yesterday. It's odd that many listeners were not able to hear that song. I could tell from my Master's voice that the song really touched his heart and soul, and I detected some tears from my usual stoic, unflappable dude Head Boss.
As quick as lightning, the topics change and I hear Master Mo salivate over the topic of bacon.
Bacon? My Head Boss loves bacon, so much so that I've even heard him say that he'd give up front row seats to a Lakers game with Pao Gasol playing for a plate of bacon.
My ears perk up, and I hear my name. What?
"I'll give up my dog Rocco, for a plate of bacon!"
"No way!" I hear Her Royal Highness, my beautiful Princess Grace Lee's devastated voice over the radio air waves." Give up your dog?"
"I'll give up watching Anne Curtis undress in front of me, for a plate of bacon. I'll give up being with 15 girls with humongous boobs in an elevator for a plate of bacon- Katya Santos,Rica Paralejo,Ehra Madrigal, you name it."
"Oh no!"
" Oh yes! I'll even give up watching Coldplay just for a plate of bacon."
When I heard that my Master is even giving up hearing Coldplay just to have his plate of bacon, I was then very depressed. If he can give me up just for a slab of meat, I'm in a deep shithole.
I hear him talk to a listener from Africa and Hongkong, the proper way to do a rescucitation (do it to the beat of 'Staying Alive'), a girl selling her virginity for $3.8 million dollars, but my dog mind isn't really listening to any of the topics. I was too devastated.
I ponder on my next move. I can tie up the noose and hang myself by the door, but I was too fat and lazy to even jump a hundred times to catch the noose and kill myself, so forget it..
I could just stop eating and declare a hunger strike, but Master Mo always brings me some extra treat everyday, and I can't say No to him especially when he tickles me and rubs his feet on my stomach.
I'm such a fat, spoiled dog, that's what I am. Perhaps a delicious plate of bacon is far more precious to him because I've been such a pain in the butt the past weeks.
Perhaps I should show remorse, be more disciplined, stop stealing glasses and nails and grinding my teeth onto it, and just start to behave like the most irresistible dog again. Yeah, that's it. I'll be the perfect dog, even if he is the Imperfect Master (I know of some dog owners who'll save their dogs over their wives.)
Someone opens the door, and someone calls my name. The show has ended already!
"Home! I'm glad to see you, you cute,fat English Bulldog."
I get excited and when I see my Master,Commander,Head Dude Boss, Royal Highness. .I whimper and scratch the floor. Master Mo tickles my stomach and I bark and laugh. I forget about hurtful words, plates full of bacon and what not.
I'll never stop loving my Master, even if he replaces me with Hormel.
I lick his face and he laughs too. There! Everything's all right in this world.
(Postscript:Some of the topics in this blog were discussed in the Goodtimes show today, specifically what 'Mo would give up for bacon'.Notes from Rocco's Diary is a work of fiction, and thus Rocco's thoughts and reflections on this blog do not reflect the real dog's views, but comes from the imagination and point of view of this blogger:)
People have been wondering if this is the photo of the real Rocco. No, it is not. I have not come across a picture of Mo with his dog. Photo of the English Bulldog courtesy of canada.adflakes.com. Goodtimes!)
