Notes from Mo's Diary
October 14, 1 am
It's the first time since my arrival from Paris that I was able to sleep for three hours straight when I was awakened by a ruckus at the side of my bed.
I looked down and almost gagged. It was my English bulldog gnawing and gnashing a piece of glass that he must have chomped off from the top of my dining table, and hid to grind his teeth in.
Holy Mother of God! This dog has been acting really strangely ever since his balls were ****ped off by the vet, and when I called out his name so I could pry the glass from his teeth, he growled and almost bit me.
No wonder I've been able to sleep. My dog who snores like a 747 that's just about to land in the old Hong Kong Kai Tak airport (the airport with the most number of accidents) was awake and merrily chewing on an inanimate object that doesn't decompose in a million years. Glass!
I'm now awake and stare at the dog. I felt helpless. The computer at the side of the bed was blinking on and off, as if luring me to open it and perhaps find a solution in the billions of pages out in the world wide web.
I flip it open and type "English Bulldog". I click to the dogbreedinfo.com link provided and read what I can about the ever growing mysteries of this particular animal.
"Although the English Bulldogs appearance can be somewhat intimidating, it is among the gentlest of dogs. Just the same it will see off any intruder, and few would risk a close encounter with a dog brave enough to bait a bull. It is described as a very affectionate and dependable animal, gentle with children, but known for its courage and its excellent guarding abilities. Bullheaded and determined, this breed can be very persistent. They do not give up easily. Bulldogs are very much a people's dog seeking out human attention and loving every bit it can get!! A lot of human attention is required for the breed's happiness. Some English Bulldogs can be a bit dominating and need an owner who knows how to display strong leadership and understands alpha canine behavior."
Reading it depresses me more. Perhaps I wasn't an owner who displayed strong leadership skills. I need a 'dog whisperer'. Help!
My attention got waylaid by a calendar widget at my desktop. It was blinking on and off at the date today - October 14.
When I opened it, fireworks and Chinese cymbals seemed to burst from the computer. Sounds like this come out when it's an important day, and I've programmed it so I don't forget. Oh no! Today's the day when I need to go to the dentist!
A chomping, gnawing,obstreperous dog and a dental appointment all in one day. Sweet Jesus!
If only someone could set up a business where "Dental Assasins"could be hired. They could surreptitiously drug a person who has a "gum whacking appointment" so he could be brought to a dental chair catatonic and blissfully oblivious to pain and dental suffering. After a few hours, the patient wakes up without a tooth and no experience of pain. Sweet!
Just thinking of "dental assassins" and sweet slumber almost relaxed me. I was ready to sleep when I saw my bulldog hiding again behind the chair at my desk. Did he get another glass while I was lost in thought thinking of dental assassins? Fearing the worst, I stood up and without a sound crawled near him. When I moved the chair suddenly, my obedient dog now turned 'dog ninja' was so surprised he dropped the nail he was chewing on. Nails!!! Holy Golly Moses.
It was the first time I tied him up, but I had no choice. It was time to make him understand that I, Mo Twister, was his Master and Commander, and he better get used to it. He was whimpering and scratching the floor, but I ignored him and instead pretended to fiddle at my computer.
He scratched harder until he tugged the desk and boxes of my files which I've been pestered to read by the staff at Goodtimes mixed with some personal files tumbled down to the floor.Should I now just wrap my hands around the dog and choke this pet of mine? When will this mayhem end?
Pictures from another age and time were now scattered on the floor.
I laughed and temporarily forgot my almost impossible dog situation. Pictures of girls I 'pleasured myself to'made its appearance. I picked up a tattered Sheryl Cruz picture. Sweet memories! Britney Spears when she wasn't yet fugly, an old picture of Rosanna Roces at her hottest, Cristina Gonzales, Nanette Medved, Rica Paralejo. .
A set of pictures tumbled out from another box and pictures of Jericho,Diether, Sam Milby, and Ariel Rivera tumbled out. Even Ariel Rivera?
A note was attached to Ariel Rivera's picture:
"Mohan,
You'll never guess whose picture I've offed myself to when I'm alone. It's your good friend who's going to pitch hit when you're gone in the US for your brother's wedding in the next few weeks. He has been my crush ever since I've seen him a decade ago.
Sweet revenge :)
Mojo"
I asked my good buddy Ariel to be the guest DJ for me when I go to the States for my brother's wedding in the next few weeks. Was I a bad friend if I just decide not to tell him that Mojo's collection of 'offing pictures' included him? Perhaps Gelli will kick my ass, and feed me glasses and nails like this befuddled dog beside me.
Oh my. .
It's 2 am and I couldn't sleep anymore. With the dog and Mojo's box of revenge at my floor, it was next to impossible to have a couple of Zzzz's.
My dog meanwhile has calmed down and he seemed to be sleeping, and with my foot, I scratched his short,stubby ears.
I looked at my laptop and a picture of Angelina Jolie flashed by. When I clicked it, my bookmarked page from Askmen.com made a list of the top celebrities who sell the most magazines, and it isn't surprising Jolie made it to the top. 33 magazine covers this year!Her next cover was photographed by partner Brad Pitt for the November issue of W, and pictures of her breastfeeding the twins filled the magazine.
I look at Jolie's pictures. . my mind wandered at this tattooed, former wild child who seemed to settle at domesticity with Brad Pitt.
I've never liked women with tattooes. It's like the tattooes scream that they're open for business. Dirty,skanky business?
But Jolie seemed different now. Which leads me to this intriguing thought pattern. Why is it that the most successful couples seemed to be the people who've partied until they grown tired of the party scene and settle for staying at home, curling up in bed and watching movies with the beloved? Is this what love means?
And will I ever find that person? Hmmm...
My thoughts were interrupted once again by my dog's scratching on the floor and semi-growling like he was chewing on something again.
What is it?!!!! I reached down and got his collar. English Bulldog was chomping on my new tie, the royal blue tie I bought from Paris that I was supposed to wear for my new ANC show I MO on Sunday! Ye Gods!! Was it right to spank this dog now?
He whimpers as if to say sorry.
Jesus! What a night, or is it day? I look at the clock and it's 5 am. Time has flown by so fast reflecting on recalcitrant dogs,tattoos and Angelina Jolie.I looked towards my window and see the sunlight peeping from the mountains off Antipolo. The city is still quiet, with very few cars honking their horns or buzzing by.
Time to go to work. I look at my dog, and perhaps from exhaustion, was now fast asleep on top of my bed. He was not chewing on nails or glasses, but snoring like a train derailed by a 747. Peace at last.
But wait. I have to think of the ultimate revenge for Mojo.
Goodtimes!
(Postscipt: Some of the topics in this blog were discussed in the Goodtimes show today, specifically on tatooes, Angelina Jolie calming down at a certain age and Mo's need for a dog trainer since dog Rocco has been chewing on glass and nails the past days. Mo and Mojo also exchanged a list of past and present celebrity pictures they 'squeezed off' to. One in Mojo's list is Ariel Rivera who happens to be on Mo's list of co-hosts he will tap for help when he goes off to the US for his brother's wedding in the next few weeks.
I found that hilarious, and imagined a night where Rocco the dog is creating such a ruckus, upsetting boxes with Mo's celebrity 'squeeze-off pics' and Mojo's 'box of revenge' all thrown into the mix.
'Notes from Mo's Diary' is a work of fiction, and thus Mo's thoughts and reflections on this blog do not reflect the real Mo Twister's views, but comes from the imagination and point of view of this blogger. Photo of the English bulldog is not the real Rocco, but from www.puppydogweb.com. Goodtimes! )
