Notes from Mo's DiaryOctober 17, 3 amEver since we've visited the old, haunted Clark hospital last night, all I've been thinking about the past few days is death and old age.
I was pissed off when Mojo accused some people of stealing his Samsung cell phone when we were talking to some Aetas during that trip. It's not as if he bought that phone with his money. In the end, it's just a phone and not worth all the anger and drama! He was such a diva that I wondered how he'll look like in twenty years. Old, gay and haggard, most probably. Grace Lee and I must have aged that day, listening to him go on and on about robbers and evil people. Once I sat down on the van going off to Manila, I was off to slumberland, wondering before I slept how we'll look like forty years from now. Still doing the same show? God almighty. . .
How would we sound? I tried to picture an imaginary spiel,of the three of us still doing the same shtick forty years in the future..
"It's now exactly 6:10am, October 20, 2048, and we have on board the ever beautiful Grace Lee, and holy crap, is that you Mojo Jojo? A mohawk? You're thirty years too late, you old homo. And is that another earring? You have like thirty two already!" I blanched when I saw Mojo's face very early in the morning. Do I need this crap-a-roo at my old age?
"Good morning Mohan, Grace Lee. Don't criticize my earring and mohawk, you twisted pervert. I saw a sports car, a low lying one with big wheels at your parking space.Remember when you said all those years ago that it's totally uncool to see an old man with that kind of car?" Mojo interjected.
"At least this old man has a young chick beside him."
"Isn't she your 11th grandchild from your third wife, Mo?" Grace Lee asks innocently.
"Ouch. She is not. She's my current girlfriend. At least I'm not pole dancing at night, like you,Grace Lee. It doesn't really look nice at your age."
"I'm not old. Compared to you two, I'm just 66, while you old goats are in your 70's." Grace Lee looked at us, still stunning at her age, while we two looked like old blue cheese left in a corner somewhere. Is it all those sunblock treatments Grace Lee splattered on her body all those years ago? She tried many times to force it on us, but I ignored her warnings about the sun's evil rays.
"Near death and decrepit," I added. "Oh well,at least in old age, we all wake up early. Hey girls, haven't you noticed that as we age, sleep becomes shorter? It becomes lighter, often disrupted by brief awakenings, and shorter by a half hour to an hour. Why is that?"
"I don't know, but. . ." Grace Lee's answer was cut short when the sound of a big fart completely explodes inside the booth.
"Grace Lee, you really deliver some nuclear bomb farts, my friend. Remember when we used to talk about farting and the fact that you've said many a time that you'll never ever fart in front of your husband. Now we're on national radio, and you drop a musical bomb every half hour."
"I did not say that!" Grace Lee shrieked. Her voice remained the same, which irritated me some.
"Oh yes, you did! I'm so sick and tired of your farting that I've asked the Junior Jocks to retrieve some the sound spiels we've done forty some years ago. For all of you listeners out there who've just tuned in, we're preparing for our 45th year as the radio hosts of Goodtimes, still the top radio show in the land, and in case you've noticed, we've been replaying some of the best moments during the last forty years. Oh here it is, Grace Lee. ."
The scratchy sound from the airwaves sounded a hundred years old, and a younger Grace Lee said it boldly:"I will never, ever fart in front of people closest to me, not my friends, not my husband. Ever."
" And guess who's the fartiest among all of us now?" Mojo jojo coyly asks the listeners.
"Ok enough about the fart talk. We're boring our listeners. Let's talk about your twin knockers, for a change. At least Grace Lee's knockers have not gone below her knees, as I've predicted all those years ago."
"Thanks to Dr.Vicky Belo. ." Grace Lee enthusiastically bobbed her head up and down, just so happy to thank her cosmetic surgeon.
"Who's 80 years old, but still looks like she's in her 60's," Mojo adds.
"Hey Joseph," I couldn't help but to point out a fact." You go to Dr. Belo, right? How come you look like you're 90 years old, when you're just in your 70's? I've always told you, the gay dudes' heyday peaks at 30 years old, and from then on, it all goes downhill by then."
Grace Lee sees another fight coming and so takes a caller."Let's take a call from our listeners. Stop fighting you two. You sound like a bitter,divorced couple as always, your love-hate relationship really irritates me this early in the morning. Hello, caller?"
"I've been listening to your show for forty years. Third time, long time, man!"
"That's great, man! What's up?" Third time in forty years? This dude must be in his 70's too.
"It's never up, man. But hey, I have a question. I've always been curious, Professor Mo. You've always believed in living in before getting married. You've been married three times already. Were the marriages better because you've lived together before the ceremony? This will be my fourth marriage too, man, and I'm in a quandary. ."
"Uhmmm, no. It doesn't really matter. I prefer a little mystery nowadays." I thought my life was more like a tragedy, but I didn't tell the caller that.
"But I thought as you age, the more you shouldn't care about how you behave towards your partner, or other people for that matter?" The caller starts to whine which irritates me.
"No, you should always care about how the others feel, my brother. And that's the reason why I've been married thrice, and Grace Lee has been in a loving relationship for forty years already. She just farts when she's inside this booth, never in front of her husband."
"Hey, that's not fair!" Grace Lee interjects, and pouts at me.
"In the end, it's all about love." Mojo has been quiet the whole time, and now speaks up about love. What does he know about love?
"Thus speaks the pathological liar. Do you believe the crap you just said?" I asked Mojo in disbelief. A gay dude believing in love. And a male heterosexual like me cynical about love at this age.
"It's really true.Love bares all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. You've never been in love, Mohan. So what do you care?"
"Very Gary, without an r. Unbelievable." I shake my head.
"At least, even if I'm very old and ugly, someone finds me beautiful."
The thought of hearing Mojo talk about love finally woke me up. Some more minutes imagining Mojo at seventy years old will lead me to a delirious nightmare, I'm sure.
I looked around and everyone was fast asleep, tired from ghost hunting. I've never believed in ghosts, but if they do exist, they're far more fortunate than us living, breathing creatures. Ghosts don't grow old, will never turn ugly, experience third or fourth marriages, never explode a farting bombshell, never experience a tragic love affair. All they need to do is find the white light and go on to their final journey.If they abandon the white light, tough luck! No need to age disgracefully like us mortal souls.
Sweet! I shudder at the thought of growing old. Maybe that's why I'm so critical of older people acting young.
Which reminds me. . I'll be turning 31 tomorrow. Isn't that considered old?
Ghosts have a fantastic life. Reality sucks.
(Postscript: Some of the topics in this blog were discussed in the Goodtimes show today,specifically when Mo expressed his disappointment at Mojo's attitude upon learning that his phone was gone,initially blaming the Aetas,later on finding the phone inside their vehicle.Grace did not want to comment in fairness to Mojo who was in Iloilo at that time. But Mo seemed exasperated at Mojo. Also,in a previous radio show, the Goodtimes crew observed some horrifying behavior of older people acting young - wearing an earring,pole dancing,driving a low-slung car with big wheels, hanging around at Embassy.
I thought it would be interesting to imagine Mo,Mojo and Grace Lee in forty years. Would they be doing the exact behavior they hated when they were young?
'Notes form Mo's Diary' is a work of fiction, and thus Mo's thoughts and reflections on this blog do not reflect the real Mo Twister's views, but from the imagination and point of view of this blogger. Goodtimes!Photos of the abandoned Clark Hospital from
www.coconuter.blogspot.com)
